Baby It's Cold Outside

But not that cold.

Still, you probably shouldn't drive after knocking back half a dozen of my Ladies Night Specials.

I know! Good, eh? But they really sneak up on you. That's why I always stop after one. I keep forgetting about your drinking problem. Anyway, I'm okay to drive so how be I take you home, drive back here, and we can sort out the car thing tomorrow. You could stay here but I know how gross it is to wake up hungover in someone else's place. Ugh. It's just the worst. They don't want you there, you don't want to be there. So awkward. Here, have a glass of water now, another when you get home. No, just do it. Trust me. Hydrate, hydrate, hydrate. Meanwhile, I'd better get you an extra sweater for the trip. Why do women wear flimsy sleeveless dresses in the middle of winter? Look at me. I'm wearing long johns under my jeans and a fleece-line hoodie over a flannel shirt. Please don't throw up on the sweater. My mom made it for me and she can't knit anymore so that's the only sweater of hers I'm likely to get now. You know what? Just keep it. You'll take better care of it than I will and it'll be super cozy. You're going to love having it this winter. Especially if you're not going to get that extra insulation put in. I think you should, myself. I find your place cold and I'm never cold. Shit. I am so sorry about this. Don't hate me in the morning. Hey, you know what? I'll bring breakfast when I return the car. Get some protein and carbs in you. You'll be back up on that horse in no time. I promise. Just. Please don't throw up, please don't throw up, please don't throw up.

Oh dear. No, no. I'm glad it happened before you put on the sweater. I know! So much better. Don't worry. I'll deal with this when I get back. Now bundle up, Drunkie. We're taking you home!