Brother, Can You Spare a Dime?

So I was in the grocery store a few days ago, after cashing a cheque at the banking machine nearby, when I noticed a young man approaching female shoppers.

He was carrying a package of ground beef.

Instead of trying to avoid him, I stayed my course and made eye contact. When he asked for money so he could buy the beef, I unzipped my thrift shop purse and was about to give him a $10 when I decided on the $20 that practically fell out instead.

He thanked me and we both went on our way, him no doubt to return the ground beef at $8.68 and buy a couple of pre-made roast beef sandwiches, but I lost sight of him and don't know.

Maybe he went to the beer store across the street.

For a while I worried whether he would even know how to cook the ground beef, if he had anything to go with it, and on and on. Then I reminded myself everything's not my responsibility, and did my best to have faith he could look after the ground beef details himself.

It's crazy but ever since I began paying attention to my ego, I catch myself trying to take responsibility for other people and situations that are none of my business ALL THE TIME.

I'd blame motherhood but I think I might always have been like this. Everything's up to me.

When I told My Blond Companion about it later, he figured the guy probably stole the ground beef and left the grocery store $20 richer.

I realized as soon as he said it, that's exactly what I hope he did. Steal what you need and keep the change.

I have no experience living in poverty. My Blond Companion has some. I've never not been able to afford to live decently, not had money for rent and food, not been able to go out on the town, outfit myself in fashionable finds. All this even though I've only ever been an office temp and was a dozen years out of the workforce.

Divorce was a hard knock but I worked my way back again.

Born middle-class, I've had the privilege of a middle-class Canadian life. There's nothing I want I can't afford and yet I have nowhere near the assets most middle-class Canadians my age do.

The other evening on CBC Ottawa CBC news, Omar (double barrelled last name with more syllables than Vanoldenbarneveld) was in Belleville interviewing various and sundry involved in a growing number of people relying on Bridge Street United Church, which used to have a drop-in for mothers at home with babies and toddlers, for a place to be. They take dangerous drugs to numb themselves, often overdosing, and require the deployment of healthcare and policing resources, already stretched, as a result.

It's the same everywhere, people with no resources living and dying in our public streets while other people complain about having to pay taxes, as if they aren't sitting on more assets than they could possibly use up were they to live to 150.

People have a hard time quitting smoking, giving up alcohol, I have no idea how people addicted to fentanyl can be expected to get clean. And even when they do what about the brain damage they've incurred, the assault on their bodies, the family they must leave behind on the streets.

We have to start sharing the wealth.

The Lost Men of Bill Maher's Imagination

So this thing called "Club Random" started showing up on my Facebook page. I checked it out because I'm part magpie, hence all the tiny homes decor porn showing up in my feed now too.

Also, it's with Bill Maher, and I was curious as to what the fat-shaming whinge-bag was up to these days.

The set up in the clip I watched is Bill sitting in an oversized armchair across from a guest in another oversized armchair. Think Big Comfy Couch except instead of Luna the Clown asking: "Who made this big mess?" it's Bill Maher.

Also, there's a liquor, pot, cigars stash beside him.

The message is clear: STAY OUT, MOM!

Anyway, in one clip I saw - and if you've seen one you've seen them all - Bill was complaining that everything's about women, still, when it's men who need help.

Men are lost.

Then, after the clip, Bachelor Bill pops up to tell viewers to subscribe to get the full episode, which I can't imagine anybody who's just watched the clip actually doing, but whatever. To each their own.

It's a whiggly whirld, as my brilliant friend, K, who died of a horrible inherited disease called Creutsfeldt-Jakob, would say to explain the inexplicable.

She married a man so he could stay in Canada. No expectations. He didn't have to be her personal sex worker, maid, nurse in exchange for citizenship. And after a short while they parted ways, no money changing hands.

It stands to reason she described our whirld as whiggly.

Anyway, I'm glad I watched a couple of clips because they got me thinking about why the belief persists among some in our society that men being lost is even a thing, and if it is a thing, that it's new, and if it's new that it's because of Feminism as opposed to the Patriarchy still throwing its crushing weight around.

By the way, gender isn't just a bit of a social construct. It's entirely one. No one is born a girl and no one is born a boy. It's all nurture, baby. Just like no one is born a racist and no one is born a misogynist.

But back to Club Random and Bill Maher's insistence that it's men we should all be helping, not women. Enough about women. Women have it great. Men are falling behind (subtext: because women get to be people now too).

Well, sorry not sorry, Bill Maher, but all it takes is a look around to see men being freer than ever in history, and still dominating in technology, the trades, business, medicine, law, politics, policing and ice time. And yes, women are doing better than ever, too, except all the civil and human rights we had to fight for are in constant threat of being taken away - by men. Femicide and intimate partner violence remain ongoing epidemics.

A man feels perfectly comfortable going for a late night walk, alone, maybe along a secluded trail. Most women can't conceive of doing such a thing. We can't even risk a walk alone at night from a bus stop.

Women don't go out alone at night. That simple pleasure is denied us world over. Because men.

Women are still blamed when men sexually assault us. Pregnancy remains our problem, child and elder care up to us, keeping the family together, putting our man's professional ambitions before our own.

Don't get me started on emotional labour.

Bill Maher lives in a country threatening to become a theocracy ffs and he thinks it's men who have problems.

Men are lost alright. Maybe ask women for directions. We'll tell you where to go.

East Meets West

I'm reading many expressing regret that Navalny left Germany to return to Russia, in spite of knowing what awaited him there, which was death in prison.

But I wonder if it was maybe his point, directed at those of us living in the West, that our sense of safety is based on an illusion, because the East is run by gangsters.

By the way, the Freedom Convoy, a Russian op, is descending on Ottawa again this final weekend of Winterlude, while Canadians remain oblivious as to its ideology, which is the same Christo-Fascism espoused by Navalny's murderers, the US Republican Party and our very own Conservatives led by the most odious politician in our history, Pierre Poilievre.

Remembering Montebello

When I lived in Toronto I attended lots of protests for abortion rights, including eventually with my firstborn. Friends involved in the movement urged me to bring her to protests because it served the cause to have mothers by choice in attendance. But I was too uncomfortable with the vibe of the last one and I left. There was an undertone of violence to it, young men scattered here and there shouting angrily, fists raised, so I left.

Protecting my very much wanted baby came first.

I'm not talking about the bespectacled middle-aged Marxist Leninists who always showed up whenever the NDP would have a rally, so the Toronto Sun could go on about the horrors of Communism to its idiot  readers, but young men I'd never seen before at our rallies. They were there to incite violence.

That was my last protest for quite a while.

Back in 2007 there was a protest in the small resort town of Montebello, Quebec, against the Security and Prosperity Partnership of North America pact, and a meeting between then Prime Minister Stephen Harper, American President George W. Bush, and Mexican President Felipe Calderon. Three agent provocateurs, undercover cops disguised as protestors, incited violence before being handcuffed by other cops providing security against the protestors.

We know this happened. We also know legislators came up with a law against wearing a mask at a protest, except it doesn't ever seem to apply to young men in masks inciting violence at protests.

The Freedom Convoy, which was a three week white power rally supported by many within law enforcement, certainly police unions were all in with it, was chock-a-block with violence against us, civilians, including flooding 911 with prank calls, harassing hospital workers, even storming a palliative care hospital.

Remember during the pandemic when the so-called anti-vax movement (aka Russian op) attacked healthcare workers and patients outside hospitals? Who were those "protestors" really? Were any of them ever arrested? They were causing disturbances and inciting violence outside hospitals during a pandemic, ffs. We'd never witnessed anything like it and apparently neither had police, they were so helpless to do anything about it, requiring the government to come up with Bill C-3.

It absolutely is anti-semitic to target Mount Sinai hospital in Toronto in a protest against Israel. Blatantly so. And anti-semitism is a hate crime, against the law. So we should certainly expect charges against the perpetrators.

At the very least climbing on an awning to wave a flag does come up against Bill C-3. Hospitals are off limits for protests following the Freedom Convoy's harassment and incitement of violence against staff and patients. But also, since anti-semitic and anti-Muslim attacks (the latter have been deadly) are on the rise, zero tolerance for protestors conflating Jews with the actions of Israel and Muslims with Islamic terrorism is wise.

Police have been monitoring protests here against Israel's ongoing slaughter of Palestinian children and their parents since it began, which it did immediately after the Hamas terrorist attack of October 7, when Israeli women and peace activists were raped, mutilated, and murdered, all of it filmed for the world to witness, journalists invited for special screenings of details too gruesome for the public, Netanyahu vowing revenge even while many Israelis demonstrated against him, wanting him and his corrupt and racist Likud government gone.

There are many Jews here protesting Israel's ongoing slaughter of Palestinian children and their parents, just as there are many Israeli Jews protesting it. Some of them are even in jail for standing up against their government and Netanyahu, who is so famously corrupt, the man Obama was overheard calling a "liar".

It's terrible what's happening in the world, what's happening to us. I have friends, family, I don't want to talk to anymore. Some of them think we shouldn't help Ukraine defend itself from slaughter by Russia, others think we should help Israel while it slaughters Palestinians. I don't respect either opinion. I can't. I'd have to be a completely different person to do it.

The easiest course to take is avoidance. I don't know how to find common ground with them anymore.

And I'm not over the moon about Justin Trudeau, but I'm not interested in slagging him either. I think he's doing a good job in a very difficult time and in spite of a bunch of *hole premiers who don't give a shit about any of us and a demonstrably treasonous Official Opposition. I had a temp assignment in government during the pandemic. People are burnt out everywhere. It's no one's fault. We've been through a pandemic.

And we've been under attack, not just by a deadly virus, by foreign ops aided and abetted by treason weasels.

And Biden certainly has aged and does appear frail and yes I wish both Trudeau and he would say cease all funding and arms to Israel. Risk the fallout. Maybe the treason weasels won't win. Or maybe they will and democracy will survive them.

Bonus, let Putin show both his hands, funding Hamas AND Netanyahu. And if he defeats Ukraine, well, there's always guerrilla warfare, I guess.

But as I keep pointing out, there was only one name on the Freedom Convoy hate signs - Trudeau's - and it may as well've been mine. So that's who I'm rallying around for as long as he wants to be Prime Minister. And I'll rally around whoever comes after him because New Democrats don't want to win, or they would have done by now, and Conservatives are my enemy. Pierre Poilievre declared himself my enemy during the Freedom Convoy attack on me.

And why is it even a contest between Biden and Trump? That's just nuts. Not only is Biden fine, he has the best running mate in American history. So he has to step down post election and Americans get President Harris. Where is the downside?

Anyway, the other night I just felt so fatigued by it all, seeing the destruction in Gaza - shown nightly on The National, Chris Brown on the ground there - is soul destroying, hence why I don't respect you for supporting Israel and that liar Netanyahu. It's not a war, it's a war crime, and there are Israelis sitting in jail for pointing that out, just as there are many Jews here in Canada who were at the protest in Toronto where some young man climbed the awning outside Mount Sinai hospital and waved the Palestinian flag.

The Freedom Convoy did much worse, and included avowed anti-semites like Diagolon Accelerationists, but at least we have Bill C-3 now to protect hospital workers and patients from harassment.

And targeting Mount Sinai hospital in a protest against Israel is anti-semitic. Fortunately, we have laws against that, too.

Ghosted

Believe it or not I only just realized I have no power over other people, what they think, what they think of me, what they do, what they don't do, and no responsibility at all for how they choose to live their lives.

I was watching an interview of my favourite celebrity, Fran Lebowitz, whose snark has given me great comfort over the years, and she was remarking on her new fanbase, one that came about as a result of the Netflix documentary about her life in New York city. Young people show up to her talks and ask her what they should do with their lives, to which she responds, "I don't care. Do what you want. Look for water."

The advice to look for water is based on something she read about the world being out of water by 2050.

She goes on to tell the interviewer about having no illusions about her power in the world, as she has none. It also doesn't matter to her if people don't like what she thinks. It never did. She cares what her friends think of her as a person, but she doesn't care if her friends don't like what she thinks.

I've seen this interview before but this time, I got it.

Stop taking shit personally.

MAiD in Canada

I understand you naysayers. I do. But you view MAiD with an entirely negative lens. You see it as a threat, mostly to others, but sometimes to yourself.

And I get it. You worry about MAiD, a patient-centric, request driven, add-on to our publicly funded healthcare system, morphing into government officials terminating "undesirables".

Well yes, don't vote Conservative, is my best advice, because MAiD is here to stay.

Whether Parliament is ever able to write legislation to satisfy the courts and our Charter of Rights and Freedoms (the same Charter used to convict Robert Latimer for killing his severely disabled and in excruciating pain daughter, Tracy, as well it should have done, although I'd have convicted the medical establishment of Saskatchewan along with him) - or not - we won the right to end our lives by appointment, within our healthcare system, doctors trained in the practice of MAiD at our service.

We're not going back to suffering to the bitter end or ending our lives by suicides that leave others traumatized and left to clean up the mess because you're afraid democracy will fail and fascism prevail.

Like I said, don't vote Conservative. Don't vote New Democrat either because New Democrats don't want to win or they would have done so by now and you're just electing Conservatives.

Cripes, even when New Democrats do win other New Democrats just accuse them of turning into Liberals anyway. How about instead of having a party at all New Democrats just run as Liberals, eh? Move the party whichever which way from within.

Like Marc Miller.

To those of you who say MAiD goes against your God's will I say so don't have MAiD.

I would also like to ask how you know this. If God's will, as opposed to doctors' will, Tracy Latimer would likely have died long before the years of invasive and cruel interventions doctors perpetrated to keep her alive and in excruciating pain. But then we wouldn't have the ruling by the Supreme Court and conviction of her loving father for taking her life because he could no longer bear it.

So yay, amirite? Because we do have that ruling. And it came under the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms, no less, the Charter Conservatives want to abolish (even though the Federal Court just decided invocation of the Emergency Act violated the Charter rights of the Freedom Convoyers too stupid to appreciate the irony).

Robert Latimer, loving father, but loving father who killed his daughter, even though it was to end her pain and suffering, was sentenced to life without parole for ten years.

Would Tracy Latimer have qualified for MAiD? No, not as it stands now, not even if she were to beg for it. And it isn't likely any child in similar pain and suffering ever will, so maybe we could we need to keep a closer eye on doctors who believe in life at any cost?

Certainly she wouldn't qualify if her father begged for it. MAiD doesn't accept requests on behalf of, nor should it. No, Tracy Latimer would still be condemned to her life of excruciating pain and that would be entirely thanks to the medical establishment of Saskatchewan.

Shame you never got to shove that steel rod up her spine or remove her hip or whatever the hell fucked up madness you were empowered for some sick reason to perpetrate upon that poor child.

Robert Latimer has never expressed an ounce of regret and good for him. But good for the Supreme Court too because *no.

*Thank you universe for not putting me in his position. Orange is not my colour.

But speaking of, I've told the story of my mother and MAiD. She was 95. To you who think a person in psychological pain shouldn't qualify for MAiD, well, fuck off, you're wrong.

For years my mother had wanted to die in her sleep. Every time I got a call from first her seniors' residence, and then the nursing home, I hoped it was to tell me that's what had happened. Finally. Oh please oh please oh please let my mother be dead.

Not to make it all about me but my mother wasn't the only one suffering from her being alive.

It was torture. I was so relieved when she qualified for MAiD I did a jig of joy. Oh happy day my mother has an appointment with death.

We all have our fears. My mother's was of being vulnerable. She was terrified by vulnerability. She never wanted to get old, never mind old, blind, deaf, unable to use her hands, balance, eventually being strapped into a wheelchair lest she fall out of it - which she did a few times - suddenly in strange surroundings.

She hated being alive with every fiber of her shrinking being.

I was terrified one of you naysayers would nix her MAiD approval somehow too. I gave one personal support worker the stink eye when she broke down crying over the news my mother would be leaving her care in the morning, news she'd somehow managed to get, even though nursing homes do their best to keep it quiet until the inmate, I mean, patient, is gone.

The private nursing homes probably fight requests tooth and nail, not wanting to part with the money from a sitting duck. Have I told you not to vote Conservative lately? It's insane, you know. They're insane.

They only care about money.

So tread carefully now, I said to myself, while I asked the sobbing woman, calmly as I could, "Oh are you opposed to medical assistance in dying? Because I assure you my mother very much wants it. She's thrilled, in fact. Happy for the first time in years. I hope you're not going to cause her any trouble over her choice"

"No!" she said. "Not at all, I just don't like being left out of the loop. I feel like this is being sprung on me." And there was a bunch more yada yada blah blah and I realized she was just kind of a drama queen/nutcase - but not in a caring way - so I was all "there, there" relieved I wouldn't have to bind, gag, and lock her in the closet 'til the deed was safely done and my mother had gone to her great reward.

That's how my mother always put it, going to her great reward.

Jesus Christ nursing homes are hard places to be if you don't want to be in one. Bravo to all you good sons and daughters visiting mom and dad. And all my respect for you too young to be there but needing the care because you are the eyes and ears for the rest of us, not to mention great comfort to the staff who truly enjoy their jobs or they couldn't do them.

Certainly they're not in it for the money.

And no one wants to be in one but apparently we don't know how to treat each other if we're not doing our bit for... I don't know... the GDP?

Ugh. Some days I really hate us.

Here's the essential part of MAiD, the part you naysayers don't seem to get, which is that the request for MAiD had to come from my mother and be reaffirmed by her ever step of the way including right before the procedure. And she had to qualify. The doctors involved had to determine, at every step of the process, that my mother wanted to end her life because she was in pain and suffering AND SHE WAS 95 AND COMPLETELY INCAPACITATED FFS!!!

It was the steel rod doctors wanted to shove up Tracy Latimer's spine that broke Robert Latimer's back, to put it horribly. So tell me again the only way we should be allowed to die is from natural causes.

Natural causes. Gimme a fucking break.

Another MAiD win? That's what goes on the death certificate. Gotta love it.

No one who stood to benefit in any way from my mother's death could be involved with the process either. So not me. Not any of my siblings. In fact, pity the patients who aren't capable of advocating for it because it IS a process. I don't know how people who don't have people manage.

Look, naysayers, I'm not being cavalier about this. It's an awesome responsibility. But so it goes. With rights come responsibilities. And yes, risks. But your fear of me having the choice - of yourself having the choice? - will not stand in the way of MAiD. The courts have decided in OUR favour. And believe me, it's an important right to have and a real privilege, too much of a privilege and not enough of a right, in my opinion. Now it's up to Parliament to meet the standards of what the courts have decided and yes, it's going to be trial and error but we can't rescind the right to call on our healthcare system for help when we want to end our lives.

So please don't vote Conservative because those assholes don't give a shit about our pain and suffering. They only care about money.

And ask yourself on whose behalf you're afraid of MAiD - mine? Or your own?

Or is it the responsibility that comes with the right because, yes, it's an awesome one, for sure.