Mea Culpa - Again

Today I went out after class for a 0 alcohol Corona, which was excellent, but the table ordered two plates of nachos, and I'm really not into eating from shared platters of finger food, and I wasn't comfortable ordering a separate item for myself, so I didn't eat.

I realized later I'm not comfortable eating out with a group of people, but I want to be able to do it, so after I got home - and I got a ride, which was awesome - I studied the menu of the place we go to and picked out some sides to order next time.

It's crazy the hangups I've overlooked since forever, but I'm having breakthroughs all the time now. I've been expecting too much of myself, too, so am taking the time now to better prepare, ask questions, give myself the option of leaving if a social situation becomes too much.

A friend asked if my sociability is a performance and yes, yes it is. It doesn't make it any less real, or sincere, I don't think, it's just how I interact out in the world. Maybe you do, too. I hadn't thought of it that way until she asked, but yup, it's a performance.

Anyway, I called this piece "Mea Culpa - Again" because I wasn't going to blog about politics anymore and yet I did. Oh well, nothing for it now but to start over. So that's what I'm going to do. It's so tempting to bleat on about the choices of others but it's not productive or healthy and really just amplifies negativity at a time when we need to take pause, accept how it is, figure out where to go from here.

Stay hopeful, be proactive, make a better world happen however, wherever we can.

I want to be one of the helpers Mr. Rogers tells kids to look for in a crisis, not sitting in a corner shaking my head in hopeless despair at the choices other people make, and that's what I've been doing.

And dragging you down with me, so no, no more of that. We need to lift each other up, or at least help each other to stay standing.

This too shall pass.

One of the classes I'm taking I enrolled in because the very thought of it terrified me. And it was the exact right thing to do, not just because I'm tired of being afraid of everything, but because the challenge of it has turned out to be exhilarating, life affirming, fun.

But a couple of weeks ago, the instructor came to class with a long face and said something about the election, how upsetting it was, yadda yadda blah blah. One of the students (we're all 55+), a military guy, cut him off with a remark about not bringing it to class in a way that made me think he was sensitive to criticism of Trump. But later I realized, no, he just didn't want Trump invading any more of his life than he already does because he's everywhere and has been for a decade now.

We must protect our peace. Trump is where madness lies. Leave it to the politicians who signed up for it.

So, to protect my peace, because it's crucial, I'm way too sensitive to be taking this on - I'm only just learning how to order a side to eat in a group setting, ffs - I'm going to restart my pledge to not blog about politics.

And as of tomorrow I'm not posting about it on my Facebook page either.

Instead, I've got an important project to complete, which I'm going to do on my blog. It's turning my book into a one hour play, and since I need an audience to spur on my writing, I decided, hey, why not blog the process. I'll make it fun, don't worry. You'll like it. You'll laugh, you'll cry, your emotions will run the gamut.

Bonus, it'll be Trump-free.

Anyway, that's the plan, Stan, so stay tuned, and do what you can to stay positive, guard your energy, protect your peace.