Swift This!

I still don't know anything about Taylor Swift's music but I find myself a little worried she'll give up all her magic powers and settle down to be a normal housewife with her latest boyfriend.

Whoever he is, everybody who's anybody, not that I know who they are, seems to think he's a keeper.

Tread carefully, Taylor Swift, and remember Madonna. Oh and go see "Barbie". Men take away from, they don't add to.

Sorry guys but you know it's true.

A few years ago now I remember reading an article by a young Feminist imploring the world's "Swifties" to stop believing Taylor Swift was their friend. She was quite exorcised over it all, their unabashed adoration, the piece entitled: "Taylor Swift Is Not Your Friend".

Calm down, Little Sister. Twas ever thus. Certainly it was for this Madonna fan back in the day. Cripes, during her stand-up routine Sandra Bernhard actually took a moment to beg Madonna to be her friend.

It worked, too, until it didn't. Maybe Sandra Bernhard would've benefited from an article by a young Feminist warning her away from Madonna, although celebrity infatuation isn't about reality, as Sandra would find out, so I doubt it.

Also, wanting to be Madonna's friend, in spite of her very clearly not wanting to be ours, unlike Taylor Swift who is very respectful of the Swifties, was an individual thing, nothing communal about it.

That's because it wasn't really about Madonna.

By the way, the Pope of the day took great exception to Madonna, and wanted her to come to the Vatican for a talking to. She was toying with Catholicism, his Church, and he didn't like her attitude one bit. He especially didn't like her quip about wearing a crucifix because "she liked having a naked man hanging around her neck".

She said if he wanted to meet he'd have to come to her.

I turned off Madonna when she wasn't very nice to a friend's daughter, a sweet, geeky girl and super fan whose father was with the record company involved with her "Who's That Girl" tour. He'd arranged a brief meet and greet when she was in Toronto, but according to my friend it hadn't gone very well.

To be fair to Madonna, she never pretended to be kind, to care about others, to be in it for anyone but herself. And to be fair to Taylor Swift, she seems to be the real deal, giving it her all for everybody.

A man, I forget which man but it doesn't matter, a man of note - and a man, ffs, not even a woman - pointed out in one of his articles that Taylor Swift's repertoire easily rivals Dylan's, in both quantity and quality.

I have no idea of Taylor Swift's repertoire so I can't comment. But Dylan was a teenage celebrity crush of mine, the man I knew would marry me if only I could get myself in his line of sight, not that I've ever been to one of his concerts.He and I were over by the time I was old enough, and living in Toronto at least and not the Sault where nothing. cool. ever. happened.

Wait, except for that kiss from Al Purdy. But it was on the cheek and he was just being kind. He'd centered me out, not expecting a kid to be at his reading, telling his audience off the top that he'd have to censor himself, not something he wasn't used to doing.

I was sitting smack in the front row.

That's how cool I wasn't. I'd snuck out of the house to attend a poetry reading by Al Purdy. Not because I was a particular fan of his poetry, but because I had a crush on him. I have no idea why him, at the same time I had a crush on David Cassidy of The Partridge Family, ffs, but I look back on some of my real life crushes who became actual boyfriends and I have no idea why them either.

My point is, at least Taylor Swift indulges her adoring fans with what certainly comes across as genuine camaraderie. And unlike Dolly Parton, a celebrity we all love to love, she doesn't shy away from politics and calling out the Basket of Deplorable...

Ah, I get it now. Taylor Swift is a Liberal Feminist, the kind of woman feared and loathed by men everywhere these days it seems. And her fans are indeed so devoted to their Liberal Feminist celebrity crush they unabashedly call themselves "Swifties". Millions of them. Millions of them ready and willing to pay for tickets to her concerts, no matter the price, especially since she's renowned for sharing the wealth with her thousands of employees, like no celebrity crush I've ever had, save maybe Madonna, who kept the same employees on the payroll for years SOMEHOW. Oh, and who's also a Liberal Feminist.

Oh and Drag Queen icon, lest we forget the performance artists beloved by Liberal Feminists world over just as they're feared and loathed by men world over, nowhere more so than Christo-Fascismdom.

And you just know Dolly is a Liberal Feminist, too, but not about to turn down anybody's money.

And that's okay.

Taylor's got this.