It's a Sad Sad Sad Sad World

I'm a book collector, as it turns out, and have several bookcases housing my eclectic collection. Many of the books I've read, but many more I haven't. And I'm starting to wonder if I ever will because in addition to my private collection, I've become a regular borrower of library books. And because library books have due dates, I read them.

I know, I know, the due dates aren't like they used to be, but I feel guilty if I don't abide by them anyway. Besides, I can't borrow more until I've returned the books I have.

Also, I love the library. It's my happy place. And free.

In the past few days alone I've read three library books: "The Dog of the North" by Elizabeth McKenzie, "The Last Remains" by Elly Griffiths, and "Fight Night" by Miriam Toews.

Staff picks are always a good bet but I think only "Fight Night" was a staff pick. The other two were just random selections that helped take my mind off myself.

And all the women-hating fascists running for public office nowadays.

I don't worry about having so many books, although I'm going to whittle them down a bit, most likely divesting myself of nostalgic keeps after lighting upon the following, "The less you have, the more you do."

That little gem came to me when I was assessing all my "learn to draw" and "learn to knit" books.

Who needs more than one of each? It's not like knitting and drawing have changed over the years.

I've gone back to watching "Therapy in a Nutshell" videos. Also, of course, Gabor Mate, who, when he speaks of being free means freeing ourselves from our egos, working through our trauma, being who we are, not who we think we should be.

I listen to him in interviews and he never puts a word wrong. He can also correct an interviewer's question to make it and his answer more helpful.

Emma McAdam, of "Therapy in a Nutshell" offers practical help, and last night's viewing was about willingness, the willingness to feel our emotions instead of trying to keep them at bay. I was thinking of a friend but then realized it's me, too.

I'm sad. Loss is hard and I've experienced, am experiencing, loss. We all are. But we live in a culture where we're supposed to get on with it, deny our sadness, drink it away, toughen up, harden ourselves to it.

Then we wonder where our aches and pains come from, why when we eat well, sleep well, get plenty of fresh air exercise, we still have "issues".

For a long time I thought of myself as a victim. It happens in divorce and is why they say the best likely outcome is one in which nobody is satisfied. But I've been turning that around, owning my responsibility for it, and it feels good.

Why not be the hero of my own story?

I had to reassure a friend the other day, I'm in the best shape of my life, and I am. I do an excellent job of looking after myself, thanks. But I can't, I won't, pretend I don't feel how I feel anymore. You shouldn't either.

It's okay to be sad. We're living in a sad sad sad sad world. Be sad.